Miracles Happen

There once was a man whose wife passed away when their son was still nursing.  The man did not have enough money to hire a wet nurse, so a miracle was performed for him.  His breasts opened up like a woman's breasts and he nursed the boy by himself.

Rav Yosef said: He must have been a great man, if such a miracle was performed for him.

Abaye replied: On the contrary, he must have been a very unworthy man, because the natural order was changed for him.

Rav Yehuda said: This just goes to show how difficult parnassa can be, that the natural order had to be changed for this man.

Rav Nachman said: Miracles happen, but food is never spontaneously generated.

(Shabbat 53b)

Mazal Tov

Rabban Gamliel said: In the future, women will have a new baby every day, as Yirmiyahu says: “She will conceive and give birth at the same time.” (Yirmiyahu 31:7)

(Shabbat 30b)

Would you Like a Cup of Wine?

One day, a man approached Rebbe and said: “Your wife is my wife, and your children are my children.”

Rebbe said: “Would you like a cup of wine?”

The man drank the wine, and then he exploded.

One day, a man approached Rebbe Chiya and said: “Your mother is my wife, and you are my son.”

Rebbe Chiya said: “Would you like a cup of wine?”

The man drank the wine, and then he exploded.

(Shabbat 30b)

Fear and Trembling

Rabba would always open his shiur with a joke.  After The Rabbis had a good laugh, Rabba would dive into the shiur with fear and trembling.

(Shabbat 30b)

Who is Rich?

The Rabbis taught: Who is rich?  He who is happy being rich.  These are the words of Rebbe Meir.

The mnemonic is “matkas”.  M for Rebbe Meir, T for Rebbe Tarfon, K for Rebbe Akiva, and S for Rebbe Yossi.

Rebbe Tarfon said: He who has 100 fields and 100 vineyards and 100 laborers on each one.

Rebbe Akiva said: He who has a wife with beautiful good deeds.

Rebbe Yossi said: He who has a bathroom close to his table.

(Shabbat 25b)

So How do they Learn Gemara?

Rebbe Yochanan said: If you pray for your needs in Aramaic, the Ministering Angels will ignore you, because they don't understand Aramaic.

(Shabbat 12b)

Live for the Moment

Rava saw that Rav Hamnuna was taking his time davening.

Rava scolded him.  “You lost yourself in the moment and lost sight of Eternity."

Rav Hamnuna did not respond, but in his heart he said: "There is a time for prayer and a time for Torah."

(Shabbat 10a)

No Rest for the Righteous

Rav Chiya bar Ashi said in the name of Rav: There is no rest for Torah Scholars in this world or in The World to Come, as the sons of Korach say: “They will go from strength to strength, and they will be seen by Hashem in Zion.” (Tehillim 84:8)

(Brachot 64a)

Your Sinful Ways

Bar Kappara said: There is one short verse that serves as the foundation of the entire body of the Torah.  "In all your ways shall you know Him, and He will straighten you out." (Proverbs 3:6)

Rava said: “In all your ways shall you know Him.”  Even your sinful ways.

(Brachot 63a)

A Good Hair Day

Rebbe Shimon ben Menasya quoted the verse: “God built the side.”  He explained: this teaches us that God braided Chava’s hair and brought her to Adam, just as overseas they call a coiffeur a “hair builder”.

(Brachot 61a)

Heads I Win, Tails you Lose

Rav and Shmuel disagreed about what part of Adam’s body was used by God as the raw material for Chava.  One said that it was Adam’s second face, and one said it was Adam’s tail.

(Brachot 61a)

Out ta Get Me

Rav Nachman bar Rav Chisda said: When the Torah says "God created Adam," (Breshit 2:7) why is the word "created" (vayitzer) spelled with two yuds?  Because God created people with two inclinations (yeztarim), good and evil.

Rav Nachman bar Yitchak objected: When the Torah discusses the creation of animals, there is only one yud.  But we see that animals do have an evil inclination.  They bite, they break things...  

Instead, we should accept the words of Rebbe Shimon ben Pazi to explain the two yuds.  As Rebbe Shimon ben Pazi said: my Creator (yotzer) is out to get me, and my evil inclination (yetzer) is out to get me.

Or we could accept the words of Rebbe Yirmiya ben Elazar.  As Rebbe Yirmiya ben Elazar said: God created Adam with two faces, as King David says, "You created me back and forth." (Tehillim 139:5)

(Brachot 61a)

The Blessing of Wisdom

Rebbe Yochanan said: Hashem only gives the blessing of wisdom to those who have wisdom, as Daniel said: "He gives wisdom to the wise and knowledge to those who know understanding." (Daniel 2:21)

Rav Tachlifa bar Ma'arava heard this, and commented to Rebbe Abahu: You learn it from Daniel?  We learn it from the Torah!  "I have infused every wise heart with wisdom."  (Shmot 31:6)

(Brachot 55a)

Feminism and Orthodoxy

We learned in a Braita: after Birkat Hamazon, you should send the cup of blessing to your wife, and she will be blessed.

Ulla once visited Rav Nachman.  After Birkat Hamazon, Ulla sent the cup of blessing to Rav Nachman.

Rav Nachman said: "Will The Master now pass the cup of blessing to my wife, Yalta?"

Ulla said: "Rebbe Yochanan said: the fruits of a woman's womb are not blessed directly, but only through the fruits of the man's loins, as the Torah says: He will bless the fruit of your belly (Devarim 7:13).  The verse uses the masculine form to teach us that the blessing is directed toward the belly of the man."

The same was taught in a Braita, in the name of Rebbe Natan: How do we know that the fruit's of a woman's womb are not blessed directly, but only through the fruits of the man's loins?  The Torah says: "He will bless the fruit of your belly" (Devarim 7:13).  The verse uses the masculine form to teach us that the blessing is directed toward the belly of the man.

When Yalta heard this exchange, she arose in fury, went to the storage room, and broke 400 barrels of wine.

Rav Nachman said: "Maybe The Master should send her another cup."

Ulla sent her a cup with the following message: "This cup is from the same barrel as the cup of blessing, so  it's like the cup of blessing."

Yalta sent back the following message: "From beggars come words, and from rags come lice."

(Brachot 51b)

The Others

The Rabbis taught: Who is an Am Haaretz?

If you don't say the Shema in the evening and in the morning: these are the words of Rebbe Eliezer.

Rebbe Yehosua says: If you don't wear tefillin.

Ben Azzai says: If you don't wear tzitzit.

Rebbe Natan says: If you don't have a mezuza.

Rebbe Natan bar Yosef says: If you have sons and you don't raise them to study Torah.

The Others say: You may read the Torah and you may read the Mishna, but if you don't serve Torah scholars, you're still an Am Haaretz.

Rav Huna says: The law is in accordance with The Others.

(Brachot 47b)

Chicken Soup for the Soul

Rebbe Chiya bar Abba said in the name of Rebbe Yochanan: Any meal without soup is not a meal.

(Brachot 44a)

Goblin Market

Rebbe Abahu would eat the fruits of Genosar until the flies slipped down his forehead.

Rav Ami and Rav Asi would eat the fruits of Genosar until hairs fell out of their heads.

Rebbe Shimon ben Lakish would eat the fruits of Genosar until he lost his mind.  At that point, Rebbe Yochanan would send a message to the Rebbe Yehuda Nesiya, and the Rebbe Yehuda Nesiya would send a special force to return Rebbe Shimon ben Lakish to his home.

(Brachot 44a)

Stepping on the Toes of the Shechina

The Master said: Anyone who walks with an erect posture, even for four amot, steps on the toes of the Divine Presence, as Yishayahu says: "The whole world is filled with His glory." (Yishayahu 6:3)

(Brachot 43b)

Smells Like Teen Spirit

Rav Zutra bar Tuvya said in the name of Rav: How do we know that we need to say blessings over fragrances?  Because the book of Tehillim says, "Every soul will praise Hashem." (Tehillim 150:6)  From what kind of thing does the soul benefit, but the body doesn't benefit?  Fragrances!

Rav Zutra bar Tuvya said in the name of Rav: After the Moshiach comes, Jewish teenagers will smell like the forests of Lebanon, as Hoshea says: "His sucklings will walk, his beauty will be like the olive tree, and his fragrance like the forests of Lebanon." (Hoshea 14:7)

(Brachot 43b)

The Great Experiment

The Rabbis taught: Why does the Torah need to tell us, "You will gather in your grain"? (Devarim 11:14)  Because the book of Yehoshua says: "The Torah shall not cease from your mouth." (Yehoshua 1:8)  You might think, based on the quote from Yehoshua, that we are obligated to learn Torah 24/7.  To dispell this notion, the Torah says, "You shall gather in your grain", to say that you should learn Torah and have a parnassa too.

These are the words of Rebbe Yishmael.  But Rebbe Shimon bar Yochai said: Could it be that we are supposed to plow in the plowing season, sow in the sowing season, harvest in the harvesting season, thresh in the threshing season, and winnow in the windy season?  And then what do you think would become of the Torah?

See, when the Jews do the will of Hashem, our work is done by others, as Yishayahu says: "Strangers will stand and shepherd your flocks."  (Yishayahu 61:5)  Only when the Jews do not do the will of Hashem, that's when all this "You shall gather your grain" business applies.  And not only that, but when the Jews do not do the will of Hashem, we are also forced to do the work of others, as the Torah says: "You will serve your enemies." (Devarim 28:48)

Abbaye said: Many scholars followed the advice of Rebbe Yishmael, and they were successful.  Others followed the advice of Rebbe Shimon bar Yochai, and they were not successful.

Rava would say to The Rabbis: "I don't want to even see you around the Bet Midrash in Nissan and Tishrei. If you spend too much time learning Torah during Nissan and Tishrei, you're going to have a parnassa headache for the rest of the year."

Rabba bar bar Chana said in the name of Rebbe Yochanan, who said in the name of Rebbe Yehuda the son of Rebbe Eli: They just don't make them like they used to.  The earlier generations made Torah the first priority, and parnassa a second priority, and they retained both.  But our generation makes parnassa the first priority and Torah a second priority, and we retain neither.

(Brachot 35b)

You ain't Seen Nuthin Yet

Rebbe Chiya bar Abba said in the name of Rebbe Yochanan: The prophets prophesied only about the reward for fathers-in-law of Torah scholars, and other people who support Torah scholars financially.  But regarding the reward for the Torah scholars themselves, Yishayahu says: "No eye has seen what Hashem will do for those who await Him."  (Yishayahu 64:3)

Rebbe Chiya bar Abba said in the name of Rebbe Yochanan: The prophets prophesied only about the days of the Moshiach, but regarding the World to Come, Yishayahu says: "No eye has seen what Hashem will do for those who await Him." (Yishayahu 64:3)

Shmuel, earlier, said otherwise: There is no difference between this world and the days of the Moshiach except for political independence.

Rebbe Chiya bar Abba said in the name of Rebbe Yochanan: The prophets only prophesied about the reward of ba'alei teshuva, but regarding the reward of the perfect tzaddik, Yishayahu said: "No eye has seen what Hashem will do for those who await Him." (Yishayahu 64:3)

Rebbe Abahu, earlier, said otherwise: In the place where ba'alei teshuva stand, even the completely righteous do not stand, as Yishayahu said: "Peace, peace, to the far and to the near." (Yishayahu 57:19)  First to the far, and then to the near.

But Rebbe Yochanan would surely respond: "far" means a tzadik who was far from sin, continuously; "near" means a ba'al teshuva, who was near to sin, and then distanced himself.

(Brachot 34b)

And Now, Israel...

Rebbe Chanina said: Everything is in the hands of Heaven except the fear of Heaven, as the Torah says: "And now, Israel, what does Hashem ask of you?  Only to fear Hashem."

(Brachot 33b)

Snakes don't Kill People, Sins Kill People

The Rabbis told the following story:

Once there was a snake that was causing trouble.  The people ran to Rebbe Chanina ben Dosa for help.

He said to them: "Show me its hole."

They led him to the hole, and he covered it with his heel.  The snake came out and bit him.  then, the snake dropped dead.

He threw the dead snake over his shoulder and carried it to the Bet Midrash.  He said to The Rabbis: "See this, kids?  It's not the snake that kills, but the sin that kills."

They replied: "Watch out for snakes, unless you're Rebbe Chanina ben Dosa, in which case, the snakes better watch out for you."

(Brachot 33a)

Not Eating It

Rebbe Elazar said: Prayer is greater than good deeds!  Surely no one has more good deeds to his name than Moshe Rabbenu, but he was answered only because of his prayers, as the Torah says: "Do not speak to me anymore...ascend to the top of the cliff." (Devarim 3:26-27)

Rebbe Elazar also said: Fasting is greater than tzedaka.  Why?  Because one who gives tzedaka gives of his possessions, but one who fasts gives of his body.

(Brachot 32b)

I'd Rather Cry with the Saints

What does Tehillim mean when it says, "Rejoice with trepidation"? (Tehillim 2:11)

Rav Ada bar Matna said in the name of Rabba: When there is rejoicing, there should also be trepidation.

Abbaye was hanging out with Rabba.  Abbaye was clowning around.

Rabba said: "Don't you think you think you should be rejoicing with a little bit more trepidation?"

Abbaye said: "I am wearing tefillin."

Rebbe Yirmiya was hanging out with Rebbe Zera.  Rebbe Yirmyia was clowning around.

Rebbe Zera said: "Sadness is very profitable (Proverbs 14:23), you know."

Rebbe Yirmiya said: "I am wearing tefillin."

Mar the son of Ravina made a wedding feast for his son.  He saw that The Rabbis were clowning around, so he brought before them a precious glass cup worth 400 zuz and smashed it.  That way, he made sure The Rabbis would be sad.

Rav Ashi made a wedding feast for his son.  He saw that The Rabbis were clowning around, so he brought before them a white glass cup and smashed it.  That way, he made sure The Rabbis would be sad.

At the wedding feast of Mar the son of Ravina, The Rabbis said to Rav Hamnuna Zuti: Master, please sing us a song!  So he sang:

Oy vey, we are going to die!
Oy vey, we are going to die!

They asked him: "What is the chorus?"  And he sang:

Where is the Torah we learn?
Where are the mitzvot we do?
Why won't they protect us?

Rebbe Yochanan said in the name of Rebbe Shimon bar Yochai: It is forbidden to fill your mouth with laughter in this world, as it says in Tehillim: "Then our mouths will be filled with laughter and our tongues with joy." (Tehillim 126:2)  When will our mouths be filled with laughter?  When they declare among the nations, "Hashem has performed great wonders for the Chosen People."

They said of Resh Lakish that he never again filled his mouth with laughter from the day that he heard this teaching from the mouth of his Rebbe, Rebbe Yochanan.

(Brachot 30b - 31a)

Judgment Day

When Rebbe Yochanan ben Zakkai got sick, his students visited them.  As soon as he saw them, he began to cry.

His students said to him: "Light of Israel, Rightmost Pillar, Mighty Hammer!  Why are you crying?"

He said to them: "If they were leading me before a King of flesh and blood, who is here today and in the grave tomorrow, whose anger is temporary, whose prison sentence is temporary, whose death sentence is temporary, who can be flattered and bribed, I would certainly cry."

But now they are leading me before the King of Kings, the Holy One blessed be He, whose existence is eternal, whose anger is eternal, whose prison sentence is eternal, whose death sentence is eternal, and who can't be flattered or bribed.

I see two paths, one to Eden and one to Gehinnom, and I don't know on which they will lead me.

So like of course I'm crying.

They said to him: "Rebbe, give us a blessing!"

He replied: "May the fear of God be upon you as great as the fear of your fellow men."

They replied: "Really?  Like the fear of fellow men?  Shouldn't the fear of God be a little bit greater?"

He replied: "Don't get your hopes up.  When a person sins, he thinks to himself: I hope no one saw me just do that!"

Rebbe Yochanan ben Zakkai's last words were: "Remove all the utensils so that they don't become ritually impure.  Oh, and would you please pull up a chair for Chizkiyahu, King of Yehuda, who has come to escort me?"

(Brachot 28b)

The Rabbinic Spring

The Rabbis taught:

A student asked Rebbe Yehoshua: "Is the evening prayer optional or mandatory?"

He replied: "Optional."

The student then asked Rabban Gamliel: "Is the evening prayer optional or mandatory?"

Rabban Gamliel replied: "Mandatory."

The student said: "But Rebbe Yehoshua told me that it's optional."

Rabban Gamliel replied: "Just wait till the shield masters get here."

When the shield masters arrived, the student stood and asked: "Is the evening prayer optional or mandatory?"

Rabban Gamliel replied: "Mandatory."  He then turned to The Sages and asked: "Does anybody here have a problem with that?"

Rebbe Yehoshua said: "No."

Rabban Gamliel said: "Is that so?  And what would you say if I told you that I heard in your name that the evening prayer is optional?  Yehoshua, stand up and let them testify against you!"

Rebbe Yehoshua said: "If the troublemaker were to drop dead, I could deny everything, because a living man can contradict a dead man.  But he is alive and I am alive, and a living man cannot contradict another living man."

Rabban Gamliel continued sitting and lecturing.  He did not give Rebbe Yehoshua permission to sit back down.  The people began to murmur in indignation.  They called out to Chutzpit the Announcer, and said: "Stop!"  And Chutzpit the Announcer stopped announcing.

They said: "How long will Rabban Gamliel go on humiliating Rebbe Yehoshua?  He humiliated Rebbe Yehoshua last year on Rosh Hashana, he humiliated him in the incident of Rebbe Tzadok and the firstborn, and now he is humiliating him again.  Rabban Gamliel must go!"

Who will we appoint as the new Rosh Yeshiva?  We can't appoint Rebbe Yehoshua, because he was personally involved in the incident.  We can't appoint Rebbe Akiva, since he doesn't have meritorious forefathers, and he may be susceptible to punishment.  So let's appoint Rebbe Elazar ben Azarya.  He's intelligent, he's rich, and he's the tenth generation from Ezra.

He is intelligent: when someone asks him a question, he will be able to answer.

He is rich: he will be able serve Caesar if necessary.

He is the tenth generation from Ezra: he has the merit of righteous forefathers, so he is not susceptible to punishment.

So they came to Rebbe Elazar ben Azarya and said: "Want to be the new Rosh Yeshiva?"

He said to them: "Let me get back to you on that."  He went home and asked his wife what she thought about the whole situation.

His wife said: "Easy come, easy go.  What makes you think they won't depose you like they just deposed Rabban Gamliel?"

He replied: "And what if they do?  Drink from the precious glass cup when you can, and let it break tomorrow."

His wife said: "But you have no gray hair."

That day, Rebbe Elazar ben Azarya was 18 years old.  A miracle occurred for him and 18 rows of hair in his beard turned gray.

That is why, in the Haggada, Rebbe Elazar ben Azarya is quoted as saying "I am like 70 years old," and not saying, "I am 70 years old."

It was taught in a Braita: that day they removed the guard, and all students were permitted to enter.  When Rabban Gamliel had been the Rosh Yeshiva, anyone whose inner self did not match his public demeanor was not allowed to enter the Bet Midrash.

That day many benches were added to the Bet Midrash.  Rebbe Yochanan said: Abba Yosef ben Dostai and The Rabbis disagree about how many.  One says 400 benches were added, and one says 700 benches were added.

When Rabban Gamliel saw this, he began to doubt himself, saying: "Maybe, God forbid, I have withheld the Torah from Israel..."  So they showed him a dream white pitchers filled with ash.  (Not because he was right, though.  It was just to make him feel better.)


The Braita says: The tractate of Eduyot (testimonies) was taught on that day.  And anywhere the Mishna says "on that day", it is referring to that day.  On that day, all the open halachic questions were resolved.

Rabban Gamliel couldn't stay away from the Bet Midrash for even a single hour, as it says in a Mishna: On that day, Yehuda the Ammonite convert came to the Bet Midrash and said: "May I marry a Jewish woman?"

Rabban Gamliel said no.  Rebbe Yehoshua said yes.

Rabban Gamliel said: "Neither an Ammonite nor a Moabite may enter the congregation of Hashem." (Dvarim 23:4)

Rebbe Yehoshua asked: "Do the real Ammonites and Moabites still reside in their lands?  But Sancheriv, King of Assyria, confused all the nations, as Sancheriv himself declares in the book of Yishayahu: I have erased the borders of the nations, and plundered their treasures. (Yishayahu 10:13) Since the majority of modern-day residents of the land of Ammon are not true Ammonites, we do not need to apply the prohibition to Yehuda."

Rabban Gamliel replied: "Well, according to Yirmiyahu, Hashem will return the captives of Ammon. (Yirmiyahu 49:6) By this time they're probably all back, don't you think?"

Rebbe Yehoshua replied: "Is that so?  Don't forget the prophecy of Amos, where Hashem says: I will return the captives of My people Israel. (Amos 9:14) When the captives of Israel return, you can start telling me about the captives of Ammon."

Immediately, they permitted Yehuda to marry a Jewish woman.

Rabban Gamliel said to himself: "It's really been one of those days.  I'd better go and apologize to Rebbe Yehoshua."

He went to Rebbe Yehoshua's house and saw that his walls were black.

Rabban Gamliel said to Rebbe Yehoshua: "From the walls of this house, I'd guess that you're probably a blacksmith."

Rebbe Yehoshua replied: "How can you be the Gadol Hador if you don't know about the suffering of Torah Scholars?  You have no idea what we go through to make ends meet and put food on the table."

Rabban Gamliel said: "Look, I realize now that I kind of overdid it with the whole mandatory prayer thing.  Please, forgive me."

Rebbe Yehoshua refused.

Rabban Gamliel said: "Forgive me!  In the name of my father!"

Rebbe Yehoshua said: "OK fine."

They decided to see if they could convince The Rabbis to reinstate Rabban Gamliel as the Rosh Yeshiva.

The laundryman said: "I'll talk to them.  What do you want me to say?"

Rebbe Yehoshua said: "Tell them that he who wears the uniform should wear the uniform.  And he who doesn't wear the uniform, well, let's just say that he shouldn't take the uniform from the other guy."

When Rebbe Akiva heard this, he said: "Lock the doors, so Rabban Gamliel doesn't send any more of his servants to drey our kop."

Rebbe Yehoshua saw that he would have to talk to The Rabbis in person.  He went to the Bet Midrash and knocked on the door.  "The sprinkler son of a sprinkler should sprinkle.  And don't start telling the sprinkler son of a sprinkler that his water is cave water and his ashes are cinders."

Rebbe Akiva said: "So, Rebbe Yehoshua, you have forgiven Rabban Gamliel?  The only reason we removed Rabban Gamliel was the affront to your honor.  Tomorrow, I will go with you to his door."

They said: "Now what?"

Can we depose Rebbe Elazar ben Azarya?

No, because we learned that it's improper to demote people in matters of holiness.

Can we set up a rotating Rosh Yeshivaship, where each Rosh Yeshiva presides every other week?

No, that would create jealousy.

Rather, we will set up a rotating Rosh Yeshivaship, where Rabban Gamliel presides for three weeks, and Rebbe Elazar presides for one week.

As The Master said: Whose week was it?  The week of Rebbe Elazar ben Azarya.

By the way, the student who originally asked the question about the evening prayer was Rebbe Shimon bar Yochai.

(Brachot 27b - 28a)

Elu v. Elu

Rebbe Zera said in the name of Rebbe Chanina, who said in the name of Rav: Standing next to this pillar, Rebbe Yishmael the son of Rebbe Yossi said the Shabbat prayer on Friday afternoon.

When Ulla came, he said: It was a date palm, not a pillar; it was not Rebbe Yishmael the son of Rebbe Yossi, but Rebbe Elazar the son of Rebbe Yossi; and it was not the Shabbat prayer on Friday afternoon, it was the weekday prayer on Shabbat afternoon.

(Brachot 27b)

Waiting for the Miracle

Rav Pappa said to Abaye: Why did miracles occur for the earlier generation and not for us?

It's not as if they knew more Torah than we do.

In the time of Rav Yehuda, nobody studied anything except for Nezikin, and we study all six tractates of the Mishna.

And when Rav Yehuda taught the following Mishna from Uktzin, "If a woman is preserving a vegetable in a pot" (Taharot 2:1, and some say that Rav Pappa actually invoked the Mishna "Olives that are pressed together with their leaves are tahor", Uktzin 2:1), he would say, "This material is more confusing than all of the disputes of Rav and Shmuel put togther!"  We, on the other hand, study Uktzin in 13 different yeshivas.

But when there was a drought, all Rav Yehuda had to do was remove one shoe, and God brought the rain; but we afflict ourselves and cry out, and nothing happens.

Abbaye replied: They sacrificed themselves to sanctify the Holy Name; we do not sacrifice ourselves to sanctify the Holy Name.

(Brachot 20a)

Death Becomes Her

Zeiri entrusted some money to his landlady.  While he was away in yeshiva she died.

He followed her to the courtyard of death.  "Where's the money?" he asked.

She said to him: "Go take it from under the door in such and such a place.  And tell my mother to send me my comb and my tube of cosmetic paint with so and so, who is going to die tomorrow."

(Brachot 18b)

Insouciant Women

God's promise to the women is greater than His promise to the men, as it is said: "Insouciant women, hear my voice; confident girls, give ear to my speech..."  (Yishayahu 32:9)

Rav said to Rebbe Chiya: What is the merit of the women?  They take their sons to school, they send their husbands to the Bet Midrash, and they wait for their husbands to come home from the Bet Midrash.

(Brachot 17a)

You have to Wake Up Early in the Morning to Put One over on Rabban Yochanan Ben Zakkai

They said of Rabban Yochanan ben Zakkai that no one ever greeted him first, even a non-Jew in the market.

(Brachot 17a)

The Scholar and the Layman should be Friends

A pearl in the mouths of the rabbis of Yavneh:

I am a man and my friend is a man.

I work in the city and he works in the field.

I get up early in the morning to do my work and he gets up early in the morning to do his work.

He doesn't try to bite my style and I don't try to bite his style.

You might think that I do much and he does little, but we have a principle: some do much and some do little, as long as each directs his heart to Heaven.

(Brachot 17a)

You don't have to be a Triangle to Teach Geometry

Rabban Gamliel took a bath the night after his wife died.

His students said to him: "Rabbi, you taught us that a mourner is not allowed to bathe."

He replied: "I am not like other people.  I am a Jewish Prince."

And when Rabban Gamliel's slave Tavi died, Rabban Gamliel accepted condolences.

His students said to him: "Rabbi, you taught us that one may not accept condolences for a slave."

He replied: "Tavi was not like other slaves.  He was an honorable man."

(Brachot 16b)

The Blessing of Torah

Rav Huna said: Before learning Tanach, you need to say the blessing over learning Torah.  But if you're just going to learn Midrash, you don't need to say it.

And Rebbe Elazar said: Whether you are going to learn Tanach or Midrash, you do need to say the blessing.  But if you're just going to learn Mishna, you don't need to say it.

And Rebbe Yochanan said: Even to learn Mishna, you need to say the blessing.  But to learn Talmud, you don't need to say it.

And Rava said: Even to learn Talmud you need to say the blessing.

(Brachot 11b)

Do your Own Thing

During the Torah reading in the synagogue, Rav Sheshet would turn his face away and study Torah.

He said, "They do their thing, I do mine."

(Brachot 8a)

Still Eating It

Rebbe Chiya bar Ami said in the name of Ulla: Greater is the one who eats the fruits of his own labor than one who fears heaven.  About one who fears heaven, it is written: "Praiseworthy is the man who fears God." (Psalms 112:1)  But about one who eats the fruits of his own labor, it is written: "When you eat the fruits of your own labor, you are praiseworthy and it is well with you." (Psalms 128:2) "You are praiseworthy" in this world, "and it is well with you" in the World to Come.  About the one who fears Heaven, it does not say "it is well with you."

(Brachot 8a)

Why do Bad Things Happen to Good People?

Rebbe Yochanan said in the name of Rebbe Yossi: Moshe asked God for three things, and God granted them all.

He asked that the Divine Presence dwell among the Jewish People, and God granted his request, as it is said: "...only if You accompany us."

He asked that the Divine Presence not dwell among idolaters, and God granted his request, as it is said: "me and Your people should be special."

He asked God to explain Himself, and He did, as it is said: "explain Your ways." Moshe said before God: "Master of the Universe, why do some good people have it good, and some good people have it bad?  Why do some bad people have it good, and some bad people have it bad?" 

God said to him: "A good person who has it good is a good person the son of a good person.  A good person who has it bad is a good person the son of a bad person.  A bad person who has it good is a bad person the son of a good person.  A bad person who has it bad is a bad person the son of a bad person."

Really? Do good people really suffer just because their parents were bad?

It is written in one place "God visits the sins of the father upon the children".  And it is written elsewhere: "sons shall not be put to death on account of their fathers."  We asked about the contradiction between these two verses, and we answered: the first verse applies to a son who follows in his father's evil ways; the second verse applies to a son who does not follow in his father's evil ways.


Rather, this is what God said to Moshe: "A good person who has it good is a totally good person.  A good person who has it bad is a mostly good person.  A bad person who has it good is a mostly bad person.  A bad person who has it bad is a totally bad person."


Rebbi Meir disagrees with Rebbe Yossi in this matter.


Rebbi Meir said: two of Moshe's requests were granted, but one was not granted, as it is said: "I will favor those who I will favor," even if they are undeserving.  "And I will show mercy to whom I will show mercy," even if they are undeserving.

(Brachot 7a)

One Hundred Lashes

Rebbe Yochanan said in the name of Rebbe Yossi: A single moment of self-contol is better than many lashes, as it is said: "And she shall pursue her lovers...then she will say, I will go and return to my first husband, because it was better for me then than it is now."

Resh Lakish said: It is better than a hundred lashes, as it is said: "Yelling at an understanding person is better than hitting a fool a hundred times."

(Brachot 7a)

Does God get Mad?

Is there anger before the Holy One, Blessed be He?

Yes, as it is taught in a Braita: God gets angry every day.

And how long does His anger last?

A moment.

And how long is a moment?

One fifty-eight thousand, eight hundred and eighty-eighth part of an hour.

Only Bilam the Wicked knew exactly what time of day this moment is.

(Brachot 7a)

May it be My Will

Rebbe Yochanan said in the name of Rebbe Yossi: How do we know that the Holy One, Blessed be He, prays?  As it is written: "I will bring them to My holy mountain and make them happy in the house of My prayer." It does not say "their prayer", but rather, "My prayer". From here we learn that the Holy One, Blessed be He, prays.

What does He pray?  Rav Zutra bar Tovya said in the name of Rav: "May it be My will that My mercy conquer My anger, and that My mercy overcome My attributes, and that I behave towards My children with the attribute of mercy, and that I favor them beyond what justice would require."

It was taught in a Braita, Rebbe Yishmael ben Elisha said: One time I entered the Holy of Holies to burn incense, and I saw Achteriel God the Master of Hosts sitting on a high and lofty throne. He said to me: "Yishmael, my son, bless Me."  I said to Him: "May it be Your will that Your mercy overcome Your anger, and that Your mercy overcome Your attributes, and that You behave toward Your children with the attribute of mercy, and that You favor them beyond what justice would require." Upon hearing this, He nodded to me with His head.


(Brachot 7a)

The Beauty that is Rotting in the Dust

Rebbe Elazar was sick, so Rebbe Yochanan came to visit him.  He saw that Rebbe Elazar was lying in a dark room, so he rolled up his sleeve, and the room filled up with light.

Rebbe Yochanan saw that Rebbe Elazar was crying.

"Why are you crying?" Rebbe Yochanan said.

"Are you crying because you can't learn Torah?  Remember the Mishna that says regarding sacrifices: some bring many sacrifices and some bring few, but it's the thought that counts?  Well, the same thing applies to studying Torah."

"Are you crying because you don't have enough food?  Not everyone merits two tables, you know."

"Are you crying because your kids died?  It could be worse -- ten of my kids died!  Look, here is a bone from the tenth one."

"No," Rebbe Elazar said.  "I'm crying because of the beauty that is rotting in the dust."

"Oh," Rebbe Yochanan said.  "That's a good reason to cry."  And they cried together.

Rebbe Yochanan asked Rebbe Elazar, "Are these afflictions dear to you?"

"Not them and not their reward," Rebbe Elazar said.

"Give me your hand," Rebbe Yochanan said.

Rebbe Elazar gave his hand to Rebbe Yochanan, and Rebbe Yochanan cured him.

(Brachot 5b)